On Matters of Self-Care

“Miss, how do you dress with so much style?”

“Miss, you smell so good.”

“Miss, can you sit by me for supper?”

Children are the best at cheering me up when I've had a hard day. I love the way they call me “miss”, or more often, “misses”. Some things about them can make me sad, like Danny giving me the cold shoulder, or when I know of a particular problem a child is going through, but for the most part, their genuine honesty brings a smile to my face.

“Are you a teacher? You don't look like a teacher! You look like one of us! You look like you're twelve. Hey, you need to put away your phone – only teachers are allowed to have their phones here!” ~ Dominique

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Lately I have questioned my intent for social work. I've asked myself if I should be trying to help people when I burn out so easily. Because actually, I've been burning out. I've had some rough weeks, and I'm finally feeling up to writing about it. But this time, I won't be giving answers. With all of my writing, I've always had a quick and almost apologetic answer to all the questions and struggles in my heart, but never have I voiced what I've seen of the sadness of living without some philosophical and trite solution. So this time, no philosophical answers, no trite sayings. Because when it comes down to it, there are no answers that satisfy. There are no words that can fix the pain. And yes, I shall say pain. I shall say struggles. I shall say horrible, wretched, miserable. I won't downplay it, or explain it away, because what I've seen, experienced, and know to be true in my life or in so many others' lives is that life is horrible, wretched and miserable. People die. Children are abused, hurt, get brutally sick. Infants are murdered, women are raped and abused. Those who are too weak to stand up against injustice bear the brunt of unspeakable treatment. Hurt, insecurity and pain can be found in nearly every heart. Injustice and evil are the hands behind the chess pieces, and I bitterly hate that fact.

I won't apologize for being dramatic – because I'm not being dramatic. You could accuse me of being serious, but I don't believe I'm over-emphasizing the chaos our world is in at all. My words seem dramatic in writing, but in reality, as I think them I am incredibly calm. Not angry, not depressed. Just awfully quiet and still.

The worst thing about it is, I can't fix it. I can hardly even help. I feel the pain of humanity, and I can only cry for them, with them. And scream, please, please, it just isn't fair, it isn't right!

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“Just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die. You gotta get up and try, try, try...”

~

Music has a way of wording what I want to say. Sometimes I am stunned by the accuracy of some lyrics. Music is one of those good things in my life that makes me feel stronger, and I can straighten myself a little while knowing that others feel what I've felt, and I can keep on.

Dancing has a way of setting the world right again.

“There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them.”

There was a book I was especially fond of, once. Science fiction, it was, and there were three characters that came into the story halfway through. Each of those three represented something important; one was words, I believe, and the other I think might have been passion, or love, or music; but the third I loved especially. She was the mistress of dance. And there was something she said that stuck with me. The exact words have eluded me by now, but she said that dancing represents unity, and when a man and a woman dance together, being unified in spirit, it's the most beautiful thing in the world. I like to imagine the whole creation dancing, constellations and trees, and water and air all dancing in unity. I wish for there to be full unity, but to believe it to be true at this point in time would be naivety. I believe God wants for His creation to all dance together in unity, but it isn't so, and instead, cacophony reigns.

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When I began writing this, I meant for it to be mainly on self-care. In all of dealing with trouble and managing stress, self-care is one of the most important things to be on top of. That comes naturally to some, but I'm finding that a lot of people who desire to help others are really bad at taking care of themselves. That's true for me. I find myself pretending that I'm fine until I'm nearly burnt out. Or, totally burnt out. Even then, I have a hard time admitting that I'm burnt out. It's funny. Usually it comes out in the form of “I'm tired,” or “I have a head ache.” Self care doesn't really come easy to me. I have been doing better about making sure I get enough sleep, or at least in that I don't make rash decisions when I'm really tired and discouraged. Getting enough sleep is the only thing I consistently do for myself. That is, consistent as in several nights a week.

There was one time I was especially low a week or two ago that I treated myself to a dairy-free, caffeine-free frappuccino from Starbucks. Then I went out shopping, treating myself to several outfits after several months of not buying clothes. That was a particularly rough day, and even though I didn't fully cheer myself up, I feel good about how I tried to take care of myself. Generally speaking, though, I try to refrain from buying stuff for myself as therapy - look where it left poor Mrs. Lincoln! (That being said, I can identify with her so much better now than a few years ago, for several reasons!)

I mentioned already how children can cheer me so when I'm down, and it's true. Giving, serving, and taking care of others has such a large part to play in my own self care. It's strange, but somehow in giving and serving I get the strength, energy and joy of which I had been so low. It's not that they do anything special, but I think a big part of it is that they are so happy and cheerful when their lives certainly aren't the best. Also, once I get my mind off myself and my own problems, my discouragement dwindles to it's proper size – nil.

I'm about sure you could guess the last way I practice self-care. Yes, dancing! I don't know about you, but I feel better when I'm dancing! All the way! Because dancing makes the world a better place.

Feeling incredibly sleepy, till next time, guys.

*Fistbump*

Keep rocking it!