Yet Another Random...

The rains will come, I know. The fire will grow. Peace will fall over me like a blanket soon enough.... I won't die here, I'll grow, and my wilted petals, limp stems, will strengthen again, and a bright smile will find my face again. The ashes and drought don't last forever. The clouds don't always darken the sky, but even when they do, there is the rain to look forward to... Rain will cause me to grow. Thunder and lightning aren't things to fear. The storm will calm itself, someday. There is a list of things that doesn't make happiness. I can give you an abbreviated version of it. Money... Work... Leaving home... Becoming an adult... Food... Books... People... I know that especially for myself, some of those things can certainly help happiness to come and stick around a little longer. But when the day is long and your body is worn out, then it can't do anything. People especially help. They do, but they can't fix anything. Sometimes I wonder why its so hard for me to learn to depend on God. I don't know why it takes so long for me to figure it out... And when I should know it already, then I have to relearn it. I guess I wonder why its not easy. I struggle to make God my Comforter and the One I depend on, because it isn't easy... And I don't know why I find it so hard. Life has been difficult. A friend told me once that I need to buck up and be brave, because I don't have it any harder than everyone else. That everyone else goes through the same things, and that I need to stop whining. That's not exactly the same words, but it was the meaning I got... And I try to tell myself that when I'm extra tired and feeling in need of someone. Today someone reached out to me... A friend, a coworker... Showed she cares and sees how I struggle. It was unexpected and it was a new feeling to experience that. Seems like no one outside of those in my family and small circle of close friends have ever done something like that. It's always me who's trying to encourage, make cards, hug, smile at.... I seem to get nowhere, while my coworker here did more for me than it seems I've ever done for anyone. ...lonely... yet among people almost constantly.... ...tired... yet getting good rest... Where's the hope? I see it around the corner... I do... It will come... I have hope... I yet have hope... Hope.