An Update, of Sorts, for Donny

The future seems to drag, yet the past already seems to be afar off, and have gone so fast... It's amazing how many feelings and emotions I can experience in such a short time. It's amazing how fast I can laugh after crying, and how short it takes for my joy to leave and depression take its place. Work keeps me busy. I keep a schedule... Write a list. /Make cards... Scrapbook... Make fudge... Go shopping... Call Grandmama... Practice cello... Buy rosin... Update account book... Look for a car... Take pictures of the children... Blog post... Blog post... Blog post.... I have had it on my list to write a post for some time. I actually wrote quite a few pages in my journal, but then I deemed those pages not fit for most people to see. And I think about it every so often, but then forget, or feel just plain out of the writing mood. Or I can hardly find how to express the words inside of me, and fear actually saying even a part of my thoughts aloud. And so I set my alarm. I get up, bleary eyed. Or, if I have no work schedule that day, I turn off the alarm and close my eyes again. Dread to take the covers off and have to be brave another day. But I do get up, and I do brave another day. I smile, I laugh, and I try... I try so hard to make each day a better one, for someone, even if not for myself. Today the sky has too many clouds. What should be pure and clear blue is a mass of dull grey-white. I sit in the cafe during my lunch/supper break, and stare out the window. Different strangers go by... Looking sober and serious. Little kids, happy-go-lucky according to their cheerful perspective, laugh, smile, and chatter. I smile, and watch. There is a elderly man, indicating his perfectionist nature by reparking and reparking his GMC truck. Work. Life is full of it, isn't that so? As adults, there is so much ordinary and schedule. The perpetual smile is the first to go. I see it, where I work. It's the distracted-ness, too. I see it in both my co-workers, and in the customers who come in to order deli meats and cheese. When the job gets tiresome and ordinary, and when the cares of life outweigh the love of life, distracted faces replace the personal smiles. She comes up to the counter, hurriedly. "Half a pound of chipped ham, a quarter pound of the presliced American cheese, and a pound of shredded coleslaw. Yes, that's all. Thanks." The lack of eye contact. No smile. Standing there, lost in thought. Stress creased between the eyes. She pulls out her phone, and slips it away into her back jeans pocket only when I have her order ready. "Busy adult worker" is spelled all over her. But Mr. Mustache man... He and those like him make my day. "Hello, miss! How are you? Oh, I'm doing tolerably! It's my day off today, and I am doing "honey-do" things today! She wants some of that chipped beef! Oh, I don't know what. Probably the one that's on sale. She reads that sale paper every week! Oh, that's fine if its a little over. It'll all get eaten! Oh, and she wants two pounds of your baked limas! Hm, is that two pounds? It's not two of those things then? Oh, well, if its wrong, can I tell her that you told me this container is two pounds? Thanks! Yeah, that's all! Thanks, you have a great day, too!" So day goes after day. Soon it will be Thanksgiving. Already. And then Christmas, and the new year. 2015. Already. My, where did the time go? I can hardly remember how it was a year ago... I have been so many places and experienced so much in the short year that's past! How can it be. I'll in my nineteenth year... Well, I am in my nineteenth year. And, well, time will keep flying. One thing after another... I'll keep busy, I hope! Next post up: my car. Well, I hope it will be that... I hope to have a car by the time I post next. Lord willing. :) Blessings.