[THIS - to be listened to, if you please, during the reading of this piece EDIT: apparently won't play for you guys. Sorry. ^.^ EDIT 2: Although it might play if you enter your gmail id...]
Quiet. All quiet.
It isn't till I'm not alone anymore that I realize - I haven't spoken all day. The weekend, full of sleeping and hopeful recovery, causes a different sort of weariness than the week, full of studying, writing, running and working, does. One thing has been constant - or, perhaps, two; sleep, and hibiscus tea. One cannot fail to appreciate hibiscus tea when one has a love affair with StudioC's bisque~man - not-james-perry. I believe I have drunk at least three cups today, and I mean to drink more. Also, about a quarter cup of honey is also digested, thanks to yours truly. Besides the hibiscus tea and sleeping a lot, I have not done much. In an obligatory sort of way, I've thrice traveled down to the chickens, feeling like some sort of powerful matriarch bringing the clucking hens their food, and chasing them back inside their pens. That feeling of powerfulness quickly changed to a responsible-and-sad-mother-kind-of-feeling when I noticed two crushed eggs on the floor of the coop. (Mum told me later that those chickens sometimes do dumb things, and lay their eggs on the roost. So after that, I didn't feel quite so much like a bad chicken-mother.) Also, I spent some time on the hammock - a first for this year. And in keeping with me building my child-like character, I followed the urge to go swing on the swingset. Until I got cold, then I ran inside. Or, shall we say, languidly walked.
Since I was sleeping all day yesterday, I stayed up late last night, finishing my PowerPoint on the Muslim holiday Eid-al-Adha. I think it isn't that bad of a presentation... now I only hope I get a good grade for it. I take nothing less than A's. Oh. Well. That brings up the subject of school and this fall. Well, that is the plan - to go through both of those things, school and fall, at the same time. Scary would probably not be a strong enough word for the feeling that enters my mind, heart and soul. Yes, I am terrified. Tis true that many people believe in me. Actually, I've been told by quite a few people already that I am really smart. And yet, even now, with getting (so far) very good grades this semester, and with receiving a "superior academic scholarship" for school, I can hardly believe that this is true, that this is happening to me! A scholarship? For that much? It's by no means a big enough scholarship to cover all my tuition; not even half. But it was a surprise, because I didn't expect to receive that much. Also, I believe that for some time I looked at my SAT scores (and to be sure, I cannot abide tests, and I do not approve of them) as not so good. Can you guess why? It's actually kind of amusing to see this recurring thread in my thought process. I'll tell you why. It's because they weren't perfect. And.... for some reason, I thought that if they weren't at least as high as my dear older sister's, then, well, of course I wasn't smart! This seems to be my thoughts about quite a few areas in my life. If I'm just not perfect, then I somehow am unable to honestly judge whether I've done good or bad. Because, somehow, "bad" is everything below perfect.
It's a nice feeling to relish the thought that maybe I am just a little bit intelligent. I don't think about it very much, because classes and semesters much more difficult loom in my horizon, and even though my confidence in my ability is growing, I know I'm not above failure. To be sure, there is some excitement for the Fall semester. Excitement, yes, and terror. I eagerly await the challenge, yet I also fear not being able to keep my grades up. But enough of that. I shall be able to do so, and I shall be able to pay for my education. I shall harbor no doubts, because doubts lead to worry, and worrying is no good thing to do.
Some dear memories to share concerning my quite interesting, beautiful and difficult F&M orchestra experience:
Of course, there were individual orchestra members who contained such personALity, and I so enjoyed laughing at them behind my usually stoic face. All the cello section were made of lovely folk, and there ten of us. I never talked to anyone, tis true, besides my stand partner, and two of the other ladies in the back row, but that is not something I regret. I find it very difficult to start a conversation with young people, and I have a hard time changing that.
Also, there is one practice night that is deeply embedded in my mind. It was a thunderstormy night, and when I came into the Barshinger center, it was not raining, but as we got down to practicing Tchaikovsky's 1812 piece, the thunder boomed along with our canon-replicating drums. The roof leaked right above the bass section, behind us cellos, and they had to relocate in order to keep out of the drips. It was such a thunderstormy kind of night, so cozy and storybook-ish inside the Barshinger center as we practiced our thunderous music.
The Common Hour concert happened to be an interesting one. It was raining then, too, and I didn't know where I was going. After struggling to find parking, I lugged my cello, umbrella-less, across the F&M campus, until I found the proper building. Fortunately, I was not so late that I caused a disruption, which I was thankful about, because I do not like to be disrupting.
~~~
In closing, I wish to speak shortly about my financial situation. I do believe that I am going to make it. I have not found a suitable replacement job, but I have found a part time babysitting job that might work well when coupled with other work. I also may hear back from several other people who need a babysitter/nanny. I'm on care.com, and I've applied to numerous families. I'm not panicking, to be sure. There is one other option that I'm waiting to hear back about, also. I know that my job situation shall change from time to time, and I have come to terms with that quite well. My savings are slowly dwindling, thanks to taxes and such, but I'm not too worried. It shall all work out with time.
Yours truly,
Joelle
P.S. I have just finished listening to the audio book "Daddy Long-Legs". Honestly, that may be my very favorite book. I simply love the main character, because her letters are so awesomely full of character, and it is just such a beautiful story! You should definitely pick it up someday, to read. It is definitely worth your time, if you can swallow fiction.
P.P.S. I wanted to include some pictures, but I didn't really get around to it. My apologies! I shall do so next time, hopefully!!
P.P.P.S. I am greatly looking forward for this summer (except for the fact that my good friend is going off and leaving me AGAIN) because we plan to have many a picnic, beach trip, good times, AND, there is camp to look forward to, as well as a quite awesome road trip with some of my dear sisters. These things shall come to pass faster than we may think! Time be flying! Wait to hear from me!!
