Scribbles on a Monday Night

As I sit in this slightly comfy chair at Manheim Township Library, it crosses my mind that I should make this a tradition to write a blog post every week before orchestra practice. Well, I should, but I don't like to set anything down in stone, so I won't promise it. It still could be likely, though, that I may post an impromptu bit of scribbles for your consumption every week, since I have library time between work and orchestra. If you wish to post any topic or word in the comments that you would like for me to elaborate on, I will do my best. This could be quite an exciting challenge!

The days of this past week have been long ones. Between work and school and studying, I've been keeping quite the schedule. A birthday party here, a catch-up-with-a-friend day there, and my Saturdays and evenings are quite spent! Just looking in my planner for this week makes me tired! Tonight I have orchestra, as I said, and I won't be home till 9:15. Orchestra has been exceedingly beautiful (despite the awful notes that find their way from our instruments at times), and although I once in a while feel discouraged at my struggle with learning how to play Tschaiskovski, I have been loving every moment of it. Tomorrow after school I start a most exciting and dream come true volunteer job, which shall last for about two and a half hours! It is called the Mix at Arbor Place, and I shall be helping with homework, for now. I'm super excited about it, because I've been longing to be part of an inner city ministry with kids for a long time. And so, that is my Tuesday. Wednesday brings a little bit of a change with work as normal, but then I shall skip orchestra (yes, I did tell my dear Mr. Norcross about my projected vacancy) and go to Wednesday night bible study at church. My small group (and I do love them so) is making supper for the whole Wednesday night bible study, and I am going to make dessert. If you have any ideas, do share them! Otherwise I shall make something like Blueberry cheesecake brownies (since I don't have raspberries. :[ ) or rice krispies... but both of those will require me to buy some ingredients, which I certainly shouldn't spend the money on. If you have ideas, I wouldn't mind hearing them! Comment away! :) That is my Wednesday for you - do you feel tired yet? That's just half the week. Then on Thursday, I'll have a day pretty similar to Tuesday, with school and volunteering at Arbor Place, but then I hope to travel over to Ephrata where I am eager to begin my part of a handbell choir! Friday will be semi-relaxed, only with work and an evening/night spent at one of my bestest friends' house! That pretty much sums up my week, although Saturday I will probably hang out with my friend at her house for a while, before perhaps attending a play (The Sound of Music) that a little girl in my small group is in (she will be the youngest sister - is it Bridgit?) Sundays are busy, too, with church, helping at Bible Bowl, and then choir practice where we are singing the Messiah. Do I sound crazy or what? I think I'm doing too much. :P I ought to be home with my family more. Oh well, Spring break is next week. Then I should be starting on my awful research paper and speeches. :(

Gradually, as the semester moves on, I feel slightly more confident than before. I still struggle with confidence, especially with the assignments that I haven't started on, but as I tackle them, one at a time they seem more doable. By no means do I think that these next assignments will be easy, but I have faith in my ability to do them, and I have even greater faith in God's ability to come through for me and help me to do my very best. He has been so faithful, and I have seen that more and more as I go out of my box. Funny how we don't see God's faithfulness as much when we stay in the "safe" zone. It's when we jump out on a limb, so to speak, that we can really see God working in our life.

:ALERT: do not try jumping on tree limbs at home. That is not necessarily the kind of limb I'm talking about.

So I ought to wrap this up and trot off to F&M where orchestra is held. I am starting to feel a bit sleepy, but hopefully I'll perk up once the music begins. By the way, the music we are playing is some of the most bEAUtiful classical music I've ever heard! I can't promise that our poor little orchestra will be able to render a philharmonic kind of job on it, or do it justice, but it still is so beautiful. If you want to make me happy, take me to a proFESSional orchestra who is doing both Rimsky-Korsakov's "Sheharazade", and Tschaikovski's 1812 orchestra piece. Then I can smile serenely at all the poor cellists playing all those extremely fast and tonal notes in the 1812, and be glad I'm not sitting in their seats! I tell you what, I can't believe that piece is so terribly fast and hard to play. :/ I wish I had help with my notes, because I almost feel like just pretending I'm playing when he changes into the key of five flats (is that bflat?) and smacks a ton of accidentals down on top of us. Ah.... and then we have to play sixteenth notes on top of that. At a fast tempo. :/ Poooooooor me! I'm the worstest cellist of the bunch, but that's okay cause this is making me into such a better one! And my fellow cellists are awesome. :D

There's so much more to say, like about how I like that I see the same light blue colored seden every Monday and Wednesday morning at 7:23 turning right in the opposing traffic at the 741 and 999 junction... and how I have been enjoying my classes, and how so many good things can be found despite the darkness of this life, BUT - it's time for me to leave and go to orchestra!

So adios! Till next time!

Why Should I Believe in God?

I've been thinking a lot about why I believe in God, and I decided, spur of the moment, to write out a short post on my reasons for why there is a God. Here I am, sitting again in the library before orchestra practice. This time, I am still tired, but not only am I tired, I am starting to feel sick. I believe I'm catching a cold. No mi gusta, no quiero mas. I want to go home, but I can't, and what's more, I only have half an hour before I need to go to orchestra practice.

 

You know, I talked with probably the smartest and most intellectual men I know the other week. He's not tall, but wiry with a beard. His sense of style goes perfectly with his personality, with scarves and cool professor glasses. The way he looks into my eyes when we talk, and continually asks why to my statements is almost unnerving. But I don't think there's a person alive who challenges me more, and who really makes me think. I had to think about that statement, too, because now I have a professor at school who makes me think, and of course there's my most wonderful Uncle Paul who gives me much opportunity to discuss every thought-provoking topic. But this cousin of mine has given me much reason to question my beliefs. His continual asking, "Why?" to my statements makes me rethink everything for myself... When we sat through church the other Sunday, he asked me, "Why should I believe in God? Why should I be a Christian?"

Believe me, that question haunted me for days. Not because I wasn't able to answer him honestly, but because my answer didn't mean anything to him. Let me tell you why. I thought about how to answer him for a while. We got our food, and I thought. See, I thought, he doesn't care about heaven or hell, or the afterlife - that isn't any motivation for him. (Besides, I told myself, that isn't even your reason for believing in God... why should that be a reason for anyone else?) He doesn't need Christianity for morals - he is a moral and by most standards, quite good person. He is extremely self-disciplined, self-motivated; he has done great things in his life, and he is raising great, loving, sweet kids... He doesn't need God to make him better.

Do you know what I told him? I told him that he doesn't need God. No, not the way you're thinking. Of course he needs God. But right now, he doesn't need God. He doesn't need God until he sees his sin, and sees his need for a Savior, and he doesn't need God until he sees he cannot perfectly love without the King of love and beauty. Until then, he doesn't need God.

I don't believe that was a perfect answer, but it was the only answer I had, and the only answer I still can think of.

Thus, here are my reasons for why I believe in God. To some, this religion is a crutch, and to others, an admittance of neediness. Perhaps, but to me this is my life.

I believe in God because if there were no perfect loving Father, there would be no purpose to my life, and I would have to kill myself. I could not live without a purpose and a knowledge that my Father has all this in His control - that He will turn everything out for good in the end. Without this knowledge, life would be worthless, and I would never have true joy. Essentially, it is a choice to believe in God. A choice made up of faith, and in my sight, it takes more faith to believe this world has happened by chance, that there is no God, no purpose, no afterlife, no ability to overcome this cycle of hurt, pain and sin. I do not believe in God so that I have a moral standard, and I don't believe in Him because I'm scared of hell and desirous of heaven. No, I believe in Him because I find myself falling madly in love with His perfect goodness and purity. I believe in Him because in order to follow Him, I must believe in Him. And believe in Him I must, because what other choice do I have when I am face to face with such perfect love?

Random Ramblings

Today I felt like writing a blog post. I decided that after work I was to come to the library and type up a good post... and post it, of course! And I had exactly forty-five minutes to do that before I needed to go to orchestra practice. Now it has dwindled down to a scant fifteen. And I have barely written one sentence. Part of the fault goes to my distraction with social media, but the other part of fault goes to the fact that I could hardly think of a single thing to say. So I decided I ought to put a picture first, since a "picture is worth a thousand words." Thus, I wasted five minutes, or more, in failing to find a picture that would work.

 

Fact of the matter is, I probably won't be able to write enough by the time I need to drive to orchestra practice. And how it happens, this fragment of a post might be left to dry up in the draft-box of my Blogger account, like the last post. I know I haven't written for a while, and I know that I should feel guilty for that. Part of me does, yes. But part of me hasn't really missed it as much as I thought I would. I've been busy. I started school. I have been either working or attending school five days every week. Added to studying and time with family, I haven't really had all that much time for myself. The time I do have to write, I spend in journaling. I haven't been writing to my grandmother every week like I used to. I do feel guilty about that... I ought to do it.

 

Everything has been going well. I've been healthy, for the most part, and getting enough sleep (usually). Assignments have been getting done on time, and I've been getting good grades. I've been getting paid, and have been keeping busy. What I exactly wanted to write tonight, I can't really say. I can't think of much, and actually, my mind is starting to feel so tired. I wonder how orchestra will go. It is an hour and a half long, but compared to the two hours for choir practice, orchestra actually goes fast. I guess the half hour really makes a difference.

 

Choir has started. I missed the first practice, but I mean to be there Sunday. We will be practicing the Messiah by Handel. I haven't sung that before, so I'm eager to begin. For orchestra, we're doing two pieces, one by Tchaikovsky, and one by Rimsy-Korsekov. They're both very difficult in places, but I'm doing okay. Just gliding over the rough spots picking out a few notes I do know - or think I know. It is a lot of fun, and I have spunky fellow cellists. They're pretty funny, to listen to and look at. I don't have any funny stories, but I am sure I will eventually. Actually, there are a lot of guys in the cello section.

 

February is almost to the halfway mark. This month will be the close of one sixth of the year. It's really weird to think of it like that. Especially since that means that I'll be twenty in half a year. Twenty. I can hardly believe that myself. Am I old enough to be twenty? I hardly think so... I know it won't feel any different - birthdays never do - but I think I am growing and becoming a bit of an older person, more like I want to be.

 

Well, my time is up. I must run. I'll post this now, even though it's not finished.

 

~Joelle