Anecdotes

As I sit and consume my homemade Italian sub (with coleslaw inside), I inspect my surroundings. I am having my eleven o'clock lunch at work, and I'm sitting in the cafe. I do believe most all the employees eat their dinners in the cafe. At the table to my left, the quiet-and-dignified-tomboy-sort-of-lady, who works in the meatroom, is eating her salad she brought. The deli manager is sitting ahead of me a few tables, to my left also, eating a deli salad. Ahead of me is the girl I replaced in the deli, who went back to working at the cash regesters, eating her lunch... And a few others are scattered through the room. Today I waited on the sweetest old lady. I told my coworker I wanted to write about her, and so I am. Last time she was at the deli, I was wearing my hair in two braids, and she really loved it, and went on commenting about how that's the way girls wore their hair in the old days. This time I had it in a single braid, and she asked me in her sweet, wavering voice, "But where are the piggatails?" Then she saw my single braid and reassured me, "Oh that's fine, too." Every time she's in to the deli, she orders three pieces of minced balogna, for her little dogs. "They use psychology," she assured me. "I took psychology in college, and I told myself, that's what they're doing! They don't beg, like some dogs, but they use psychology!" She nodded her head sagely. "They just look at me like - mmmmh! -" She showed me a pitiful look, and shook her head. "They look at me real sad-like, and when I come through the front door, they run at me and look real expecting-like, and they just use that psychology on me!" There's some of those regulars at the deli that just make my day. The young mothers are fun to wait on, especially the ones who aren't all flustered and frustrated at their kids. There are some that are all frustrated at their energetic kids, and they're a pain. And then there are some friendly older men and women who make things fun. The couples are neat too. The young ones, of course, love each other, but its especially nice when an older couple comes in and give each other cute looks and hold hands... I like them especially. Today I am working from eight in the morning to nine at night. I'm covering the night shift for a coworker, and so I'll be here all day. It'll be a long day... I was slightly disappointed to not be placed in the bakery, but now I'm so glad to be in the deli. I love the people I work with and I haven't gotten bored of my job yet. Course, sometimes I get tired, but not bored yet. Just the other day D.A. asked me, "You're not going to leave, are you? You're gonna stay with us forever and ever, right? You have to! I like you, you're a nice lady!" And I must say, I don't really want to leave. I like my job and I like my friends.

Kittens, of sorts

On Jobs and Current Events in my life

I have learned more about people now with my job than I ever have before. Of course, with my previous job I learned a lot, especially about employer/employee relationships and problems, but I am discovering a whole world of good relationship techniques, and reasons relationship difficulties and problems. It's very interesting working with people. I really love it, and I enjoy being around people a lot. I thought it would be emotionally draining and make me depressed a lot. But I have been soberly learning a wonderful truth; God gives me strenght as I need it. I am learning that my strength doesn't ever match up to the level of strength that is needed, but I rejoice to say that when my heart is heavy and I am overwhelmed with life difficulties and problems, He always sends cheer my way. And I somehow am also given the strength to send cheer other people's way, in return. "Always remember, Joelle, you're a daughter of the King. You're a princess, and your Father loves you so, so much. I cannot stress that enough, how much God loves you." And people pray for me. I have been so extraordinarily blessed... I can't explain it all. Doesn't mean I feel the best all the time, or that I don't get depressed. No... Far from that. I do, still. I get very sad. I wonder how to get on. I see no light at the end of my tunnel. Then I remember, Ah, Joelle, you're focus is wrong. Joy doesn't come from a changed circumstance, but from a changed heart. Love doesn't come from a lack of disagreement, but from a commitment and the choice to love. Peace doesn't come from a calm surrounding, but from a sense of God's presence in the storm. Oh, I really am still learning. I don't think I will ever have learned all of what I should. Well, this was supposed to be a post about my job. And I guess I'm changing it into an all around current-thoughts post. About work, though, I have a great number of wonderful coworkers. I love the ladies I work with, and the one guy I work with is a great guy. It is very interesting to try to understand and observe the different temperaments and personalities my coworkers have. Each of them are different. It's sad to see how some of them disagree and don't like each other as much because of their differences, or just misunderstandings. I found it interesting to note how this one girl I work with really doesn't like to have people telling her what to do all the time, but that she often will do the same things as the older lady she complains about. For example, she got very frustrated at Sh____ for taking over in a situation she was in, but she will often take over or intrude into my work if she thinks I'm not doing it right. I started to get annoyed today, I admit, but then I realized that it wasn't big deal, and that just as I realized that its pride that makes A____ not like Sh___ to tell her what to do, its pride for me to get offended if A____ is a little bossy. It's interesting, too, to see how the two younger girls I work with, A___ and S___, don't like Sh___. I can see how they get offended at her. She is a somewhat difficult personality to get along with. But as I realized before, its only pride that keeps us (cause even I once in a while feel annoyed at Sh___ for certain things) from appreciating Sh___ for who she is. I admit I have annoying sides to me. I only hope that I am willing to change as I learn of my faults. I really don't know if that all makes any sense. I'm tired today! I only got five hours of sleep last night. Well, there are other things for me to do. A post is coming up, one for my car I got (because I did get a car) and one for Thanksgiving. :)

An Update, of Sorts, for Donny

The future seems to drag, yet the past already seems to be afar off, and have gone so fast... It's amazing how many feelings and emotions I can experience in such a short time. It's amazing how fast I can laugh after crying, and how short it takes for my joy to leave and depression take its place. Work keeps me busy. I keep a schedule... Write a list. /Make cards... Scrapbook... Make fudge... Go shopping... Call Grandmama... Practice cello... Buy rosin... Update account book... Look for a car... Take pictures of the children... Blog post... Blog post... Blog post.... I have had it on my list to write a post for some time. I actually wrote quite a few pages in my journal, but then I deemed those pages not fit for most people to see. And I think about it every so often, but then forget, or feel just plain out of the writing mood. Or I can hardly find how to express the words inside of me, and fear actually saying even a part of my thoughts aloud. And so I set my alarm. I get up, bleary eyed. Or, if I have no work schedule that day, I turn off the alarm and close my eyes again. Dread to take the covers off and have to be brave another day. But I do get up, and I do brave another day. I smile, I laugh, and I try... I try so hard to make each day a better one, for someone, even if not for myself. Today the sky has too many clouds. What should be pure and clear blue is a mass of dull grey-white. I sit in the cafe during my lunch/supper break, and stare out the window. Different strangers go by... Looking sober and serious. Little kids, happy-go-lucky according to their cheerful perspective, laugh, smile, and chatter. I smile, and watch. There is a elderly man, indicating his perfectionist nature by reparking and reparking his GMC truck. Work. Life is full of it, isn't that so? As adults, there is so much ordinary and schedule. The perpetual smile is the first to go. I see it, where I work. It's the distracted-ness, too. I see it in both my co-workers, and in the customers who come in to order deli meats and cheese. When the job gets tiresome and ordinary, and when the cares of life outweigh the love of life, distracted faces replace the personal smiles. She comes up to the counter, hurriedly. "Half a pound of chipped ham, a quarter pound of the presliced American cheese, and a pound of shredded coleslaw. Yes, that's all. Thanks." The lack of eye contact. No smile. Standing there, lost in thought. Stress creased between the eyes. She pulls out her phone, and slips it away into her back jeans pocket only when I have her order ready. "Busy adult worker" is spelled all over her. But Mr. Mustache man... He and those like him make my day. "Hello, miss! How are you? Oh, I'm doing tolerably! It's my day off today, and I am doing "honey-do" things today! She wants some of that chipped beef! Oh, I don't know what. Probably the one that's on sale. She reads that sale paper every week! Oh, that's fine if its a little over. It'll all get eaten! Oh, and she wants two pounds of your baked limas! Hm, is that two pounds? It's not two of those things then? Oh, well, if its wrong, can I tell her that you told me this container is two pounds? Thanks! Yeah, that's all! Thanks, you have a great day, too!" So day goes after day. Soon it will be Thanksgiving. Already. And then Christmas, and the new year. 2015. Already. My, where did the time go? I can hardly remember how it was a year ago... I have been so many places and experienced so much in the short year that's past! How can it be. I'll in my nineteenth year... Well, I am in my nineteenth year. And, well, time will keep flying. One thing after another... I'll keep busy, I hope! Next post up: my car. Well, I hope it will be that... I hope to have a car by the time I post next. Lord willing. :) Blessings.

Off~Days

There are mornings when you wake up and just know that its a bad day. Mornings that you hear your alarm, and sit up on the side of your bed, and you exhale, but can't seem to inhale again. So you get dressed in neat and clean clothes, and brush your teeth, wash your face, comb your hair, read your bible, but your body aches to just crawl back into bed and sleep, or cry, or sleep and cry. And you take a moment to pick up your journal, but you can't write. Slowly, then, the words come out:

Wednesday, October 22

Today is going to be a difficult day. Jesu... juva!

And the words of a song come to mind, so you write them on the nearly empty page.

When do I stop feeling this burn?

When do I live, when do I learn?

When will I realize that look in your eyes won't come back?

I'm right here, standing in the pouring rain, tick tock, hours all move the same.

I say your name, say your name...

I'm right here, running just as fast as I can, and I swear, I'm never gonna do this again.

I say your name, say your name...

Try to be strong, but I keep dreaming of you,

I really wish this was easy to do, but I've never felt this tied up and helpless,

And all I know is you're gone, how do I let go?

Well I know that someday this pain here will fade.

But right now I can't explain I want to scream!

The morning moves on, however, very slowly. You go downstairs, cold cereal for breakfast, and turn on the hot water heater so you can do dishes. You mechanically try to work. There are messes everywhere calling your name, and every time one is picked up, another is created to take its place. The children are crying and are disagreeable. The rain outside creates a dreary atmosphere, and they bicker and fight. You sit down to work with one on his reading, and find yourself getting angry because he isn't focusing well.

A deep breath.

Then the youngest comes wailing over something; you don't know what. With a sigh, you pick her up and hold her. When she stops crying, you continue the reading lesson with the other child.

Yes, today has been very much like that. Not only did I wake up emotionally low, but problem after problem flooded my life. Oh, of course, not big problems. Just the little ones, one after another to overflow my cup. If it wasn't the children's miserableness, it was the dirty dishes in the sink.

If it wasn't the kitchen mess, well, there were plenty other messes to think on. Funny tho, how I have learned to look over the messes.

That is a good thing to do; look over the messes. Because even in the mess and dirt of life there are times of smiles and laughter.

I felt as if I wasn't able to sit down until after lunch and after the children were asleep in their beds.

Ryrie especially took long to get asleep, as always, but I wished that she would've fallen asleep earlier, because she was acting so tired and grumpy. I had promised to wake them up after they slept awhile so they could help me make an applesauce pie, and I wanted her to sleep as long as possible. Ah well, she shall sleep early tonight.

Only after they slept were the messes able to be cleaned. Tackling one at a time, I did it. And I learned something. That it takes a choice to turn a bad day into a good one. "This is going to be a good day!" I told Ryrie, thumping my fist on the table for effect. Rye grinned, and thumped her spoon on the table.

Yes, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and who fashioned me according to his purpose. Today has been hard, but it isn't over yet, and it won't be a bad day if I have anything to do with it.

~~~

Only be strong, and very courageous... Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

~~~

The day has come to a close, and the sun is on its way to the other side of the earth. The day has been long. And difficult. Michael and PattyJo got sick, and I'm feeling very low. The day has been long and full of struggles. It wasn't a special day; just another day. So lonely I feel, and tired. These are the days I wish I could skip. But, then again, these are the ones that make character.

October Song

It was five years ago, this day, when a very serious occurrence changed my life. It was so long ago, already. Feels like a lifetime has passed. I feel decades older. Five years ago I was such a child. And perhaps that would be expected. I was just thirteen, and very practical and childish.

Five years ago was the first time death ever hit close to me. Before that day, I had lived thirteen years in oblivion of death. No one had died in any close proximity to me, and in practice I seemed to believe that everyone would just live forever. Then, unexpectedly, my granddad died. There were many regrets, none of which I need reopen and describe... and many tears.

This is in memory of the man my family and friends loved and respected.

~

Granddaddy would get headaches every so often. He had horrible ones, most likely worse than any of mine ever have been. I remember one day while my sisters and I rocked him in the hammock while he rested.

~

-Hanna, resting with Granddaddy-

~

From the Frederick Community Winter 1997 Newsletter:

Many Frederick residents know Paul Yoder as the gentle, softspoken bus driver who takes them on shopping excursions, and picnics, or to a Phillies game or museum. But at one time he and his young family were missionaries in Kenya and the experience touches his life even now, almost twenty five years later. Paul still visits Kenya periodically to work with the congregation and has just returned from a month long stay with the Kikuyu tribe, with whom he once lived. On this most recent trip he was asked to deliver computer to a home for orphaned and deserted children that is operated by the Christian Relief Fund in Kitale, on the western side of Kenya. He was overwhelmed by what he saw. "Children at the home are aged five and under," he said. "They help care for the fruit trees and vegetable gardens, and tend cows and other animals. They also attend school, and they are obviously happy and well cared for." Paul relates an interesting story that highlights the ability of children to find unending joy in the small pleasures of life. On the day he visited the home, the older children were playing with a single roller skate. They were not complaining that the other skate was missing; they thrilled at taking turns skating on one foot across the concrete porch.

 Paul was blessed with an extra helping of patience and a warm smile that embraces everyone he meets. He takes great pleasure in driving Frederick's twenty-two passenger bus, enjoying the places that the groups visit and his friendly passengers! Paul's devotion and genuine concern for Frederick's residents make him a very special part of Frederick's extraordinary family.

~

~

"On Wednesday, October 14, 2009, I lost a friend and a neighbor, Paul D. Yoder. Paul left us to be with God as a result of a car accident. His vehicle was hit head-on by another vehicle. Unfortunately, the driver of that vehicle also lost her life. So we will never know what had caused that driver to go into the other lane of traffic. Paul was a very young 78 years old. He was in great health, good shape, and never was in a bad mood. He devoted his life to his family, God and many others he has helped over the years. He often traveled overseas to other countries to teach Christianity.... Life is too short, leave early, enjoy your favorite song and enjoy the ride. I will always have my memory of Paul on his tractor in the field, or helping his wife Naomi in the garden. Rest in peace Paul, you will be sadly missed and remembered for all the good things you have done in your life."

- By Dave Graber, next door neighbor and owner of Dave's Auto Service

~

~

By Jason A. Kahl, Reading Eagle

Two people were killed and another person injured in a three-vehicle accident Wednesday on Route 73 in Earl Township, officials said. Rachael S. Young, 27, Earl Township, and Paul D. Yoder, 78, Boyertown, died when the vehicles they were driving collided head-on at 11:15 a.m. near Little Getting Lane just west of the Colebrookdale Township line, investigators said. Young and Yoder were pronounced dead at the scene by Berks County Deputy Coroner Kurt E. Katzenmoyer. Both died of injuries suffered in the crash, and the deaths were ruled accidental, Katzenmoyer said. No autopsies were planned. [...] Troopers gave this account: Young was driving a car east on Rt 73 at a high speed when it crossed the center line at a bend and collided head-on with Yoder's westbound SUV. Young's car traveled back across the road, hit a metal guide rail and flipped onto its roof. The SUV spun and was struck by Meredith's westbound car, which was behind the SUV. Young and Meredith were wearing seatbelts. Yoder was not. Troopers closed Rt 73 for about four hours while they investigated. Young and Yoder were the 42nd and 43rd people to die this year as a result of accidents on Berks county roads.

~

~

There are many more articles and biographies and stories I could copy and share. Many, many more. I thought about copying my journal entry, cold and stark as it was. But I wish to close this post with a beautiful poem my sister wrote, years past. It never ceases to cause me to tear up.

Lost - A Tribute

To Granddaddy… and those who love him.

I lost you last October; you fell with the leaves.

Bright with color, with life, with sunshine

And wisdom and sage words - full of kindness.

Sometimes you forget how much you really have

Until it’s gone forever; and so with you.

I saw and sought but let you slip away

Caught up in my own whirl of life and hype

I forgot that you waited in the dusk

In the dim rich smells of wisdom’s library

Pausing with one hand on the page of living

So I could join you.

Gone; a passing shadow I never thought would fade.

“Sometime,” I would say, “Someday I’ll be there.”

There to meet you in the warmth of love

To kneel with you on the hearth and sip carrot juice

To laugh at jokes and riddles, to learn new words

Swahili, Pennsylvania Dutch, and maybe a few odds and ends

Or ends and odds.

We would have eaten milkshake - fresh out of the Vita mix

And played Scrabble until the bird clock in your office tweeted

Out the lateness of the hour and called everyone to bed.

Tiptoed into your bedroom in the dark of early morning

To listen to the radio and whisper “I love you, have a good day!”

And when you got up, to tickle Grandmamma awake

With your long peacock feathers from Africa.

And we would have ridden the tractor - me in the bucket

You at the wheel, going up and down and round and round

Toting metal to the scrap yard and getting half-dollars

From the yard man and another one from you

To match and make a whole dollar.

You showed me how to eat an apple

So that the waste-part would fit on a thumb nail

And when we went to Zerns, you took me to the ten-cent shop

To buy things for everybody. We stood outside the stalls

And you laughed with merriment as a gathering of ‘oldies’

Stood in the square and danced to the music of a harmonica

And a fiddle. And on our way out we stopped by the dumpster

So you could pick out all the things they threw out.

Seconds, but they were good. Very good.

You would have showed me all around the place

Like you did a dozen times before - the fishpond,

The fountain, all the little things you rigged up

And fixed up and jimmied up, until there was nothing

Nothing at all left to jimmy up anymore.

And we would have cracked walnuts, and skinned the bull

And butchered him, while you sharpened my knife

On your whetting rod and told us funny stories

Examined the intestines, cow-sized ones

And beheaded chickens and petted kittens

Even though you didn’t like them very much.

And then we would have sat around the dining room table

Joined hands and sung a song of thanksgiving

And eaten Grandmamma’s wondrously good conglomerations.

You would have salted your watermelon

And buttered your tomatoes with salad dressing

And sipped green drink and showed us how to make a farmer’s plate

Because you were a farmer and you made them.

But when we couldn’t finish you would take it

And scrape it off onto your plate and eat it for us.

And then you would smile and help us with the dishes

Say that it was more enjoyable for two to do it than one.

All those things - wishes buried in the coffin with you

Memories to call up and laugh at and cry over.

Funny how the memory of you does more for me now

Than the thought of you before. Because now, in the night,

I can only remember how much, just how much,

I lost.

~

I love you still, Granddaddy. Thank you for the legacy you left.

The One Hundredth Post....

I'm eighteen. Huh. I don't have much to say on that vein... except that time's flying by, and leaving me older. That could be good and bad. I don't know. I do know that I have learned much and grown much in the past year, so I guess that's good.

The days have been both flying by and dragging like cold winter. There have been good things that have happened, and bad things. There is much I don't know, and much I am impatient for, I suppose if I look back on how I was a year past, I could safely say that I have grown. I keep busy each day, either with housework or scrapbooking or cooking or reading... among other things. I have been ill this past week, and I have felt much pain, but it is past now, so that is good. I had forgotten what pain was like. There have been different activities and little stories that we've been a part of.... picnics to tell of, friendships to rejoice in, fairs to describe... Little things, but enjoyable and what makes up my life. I shan't go into them. They shall but remain as special memories in my heart and in the hearts of my friends.

These are some of the little activities... I shall let the pictures tell the stories. Perhaps you will find as much joy in the pictures as I do. The smiles... the smiles. I love their smiles.

And rainbows.... Rainbows always find me in the simplest of places. I haven't seen many in my life. Of rainbows, that is. I suppose perhaps I haven't looked hard enough. But I love them... the color is enough to overwhelm me. I love color. I cannot imagine living without it. It is unspeakably awesome. I imagine how horrible it would be to be imprisoned for my faith, in prisons where there are only drab colors - if they can even be called colors - of grey and black and dirty white. And I imagine how amazing it would be to emerge from that prison and see all the colors... the blueness of the sky, the perfect white of the clouds, the lush green of grass, the beautiful colors that clothing can be in, EVERYTHING! It would be enough to cause me to cry.

Can you see the spiderweb?

And still more rainbows. It's funny how the bright things in life appear, and give this calm assurance of God.

I had a not so slight disappointment. Six beautiful jars of canned plum tomatoes spoiled. I made mistakes... and learned. Next time I'll do better. (That's what birthdays are all about, right? Giving another clean slate for the year ahead. Like new mornings. There hasn't been anything done wrong yet in a new day, or a new year.)

These next pictures are of my siblings and I, having a tomato war with the leftover, half spoiled and overripe tomatoes.